When Will He Be My Hero?

I have always teased my husband about him being my hero.

From the Woman’s Side of Things…  You see when we were first dating I was cooking this fancy meal for him. How does it go; the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? The meal included molten chocolate cakes for dessert. While melting the chocolate for the cakes, the spoon flipped out flinging hot chocolate on my leg. Now let me just tell you melted chocolate feels like hot tar is stuck on your skin when it lands on you. It was quite painful. My paramedic husband — boyfriend at the time — to the rescue! He had a vile of lidocaine in his medic pack he kept in his car.

This of course was the first of many times he has been my hero. There have been medical cases when he was my hero by truly acting as my paramedic (once in the ambulance even). There have been times when he has been my hero by being my rock, supporting me during periods of distress. There have been times when he has been my hero by providing for our family so I could (mostly) stay home with the kids. And sometimes he has been my hero just for simply making dinner when my hands have otherwise been full.

Our men are heroes to us in different ways. And we all see heroism differently. Some of us want time; some of us want to feel significant (well, we all want that to varying degrees and with varying rules about how to feel it — see the video about the 6 human needs http://hero-at-home.com/vid6/); some of us want our men to do things for us. In this way sometimes our men are heroes when they fix the toilet or wash the dishes.

In any case we’re women. Some of us may hate to admit this but I think we all want heroes as husbands. I think this is especially true when our husbands are heroes for everyone else like they are as firefighters.

I also think most men want to feel like heroes, especially to those they love. It lights them up when they feel they’ve lit up their wife. Sometimes they are more successful than other times.

So if it’s something both parties in a marriage want why does it not happen more often?

In some cases I think it’s less a lack of desire than it is a lack of knowing what it takes. Admit it women, sometimes we are god awful subtle. It’s really to our own detriment. Yes, we have watched too many romantic moves, read too many romantic books where the man knew just what to do and when to do it to make his woman swoon — or at least smile in appreciation. Unfortunately in real life, no matter how well you think they should know you and what you need to view him as a hero, this just may not be the case.

How can you help him succeed as your hero?

This step is very important. Don’t take offense that he doesn’t know. It’s not a sign of his lack of loving you.

Know what you want, know what it takes for you to feel love or significance — or both. What can he do to fill you up?

Tell him. Give him action steps; play by plays. Do not be vague. Be descriptive and detailed — be specific.